At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
