Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
