Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
