Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
