Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
