Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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