I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
