Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
