I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
