I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
