thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
