And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
