Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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