He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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