This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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