be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
