My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
