Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she told me i tasted like america
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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