her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need water and some morals
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
