2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
