Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
