am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
