no, he came in my armpit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
