I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize