Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
