I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
