When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
