Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
