we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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