i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
