Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
