Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
