I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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