I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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