I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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