I like to think it a success when the cops are called
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
