Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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