We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
