I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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