Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
