just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
