I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
