They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
