Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
