toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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