i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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