I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
