so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
