I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
