I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
