I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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