I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
