Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
