32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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