Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
