I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
