I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
