Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
