I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
