The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
