Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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