did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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