If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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