we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
