i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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