I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
