4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
